I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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