I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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