Already got asked if we're dating
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
