She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
