i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
