Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
