i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
