If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
