I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
