I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
