I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
