Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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