this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
