I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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