Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
