Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
