guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
