i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
