6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
