I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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