If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
