Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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