farters have to be the big spoon...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
