I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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