why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
