I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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