her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
