I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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