3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont even know how to be here
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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