Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
