Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she looked like the before picture.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
