I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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