remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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