The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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