And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
