he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
