I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
