i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
