i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
from now on my penis is your penis
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
