WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
