had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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