did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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