So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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