I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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