she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
