At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
