I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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