the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
