a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
