I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
