Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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