dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
