After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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