hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
