Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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